“Oh Mommy! He’s so cute! Can I pleeeeeeeeease have him? Pleeeeeeease!” Little did I know then that when I caved and bought this rodent…I mean hamster… for Katie, I would find myself standing in a vet’s office about 6 months later sobbing and begging that they put “Goldie” out of his misery.

It was like a scene out of CSI. There was a small tuft of black hair hanging from just inside the cage door that had been left mysteriously…..AJAR. Katie looked like a crime scene investigator dusting for prints…paw prints that is. Both potential suspects had black fur so the guilty party could have been either one of our two dogs (we had a cat too, but he was 17 and could care less about Goldie the mysterious golden fur ball). Katie called both into her bedroom for questioning but neither Keisha nor Baxter would give it up. They were both cool as cucumbers. Meanwhile the victim, Goldie, was officially ruled a missing rodent…I mean hamster. We called out the search team. The little girl from next door, Sierra, came over and big sister Cassie joined in the search as well. Meanwhile both Keisha and Baxter were being held for further questioning. Ultimately it was Bob who found Goldie barely hanging onto life shuddering beneath the bean bag chair. Katie cradled him in her little hands and as big wet tears streamed from her eyes she whimpered…”Is he going to make it?”

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Next thing I know, we’re wrapping Goldie in a washcloth and rushing him off to the first vet clinic that, when I called, didn’t laugh their asses off. We walked in, Katie was sobbing and I was trying to keep it together. Unbelievable - the vet was actually waiting for us. As soon as we walked in a young vet assistant carefully took Goldie from us and as she quickly whisked him away she said that someone would be out to report on his condition as soon as possible. It didn’t occur to me at the time how odd this was. After all, we’re talking about a friggen hamster.

The waiting was the worst part. On one hand I had a traumatized 8 year old crying her eyes out while I tried to maintain my composure. At the same time I couldn’t help but notice the waiting room full of people who were trying not to look at me like I’m crazy because I knew they’re all wondering just how much this would actually end up costing me. Just then the sweet little vet assistant came out and said, “Come with me.” She sounded like a flippin’ funeral director. Oh crap…I thought, “This can’t be good.”

When she opened the door to the exam room, the first thing I saw was a HUGE stainless steel table. In the middle of this HUGE table lay Goldie on his washcloth. It looked like a postage stamp on an airport runway. He was sprawled on his back and was breathing…barely. The vet assistant then went on to explain that Goldie had suffered a crushing injury to his spine and could not be saved. Ugh. Then in came the vet who further explained the situation to us and he recommended that we put Goldie down.

Katie was then sobbing uncontrollably and blowing snot bubbles out of her nose. Ah crap - that’s it, I was done. I proceeded to do the same (minus the snot bubbles) and gave the okay to put Goldie down. The vet gave us a few minutes to say our goodbyes and by then I was glad he left the room because I was starting to blow a few snot bubbles of my own.

I tried to tell myself that this was a good opportunity for Katie to learn about death and dying but that was pretty much out the window as I saw her slowly approach Goldie telling me that she would try and be strong. As she wiped her tear stained cheeks she leaned down to kiss him on his little rodent head and started to tell him what a good hamster he had been and how she was so sorry that this had happened. It was at this point that I was frantically searching for a box of tissues but could only find a jar full of cotton balls. Try wiping your nose with a wad of fuzz!

At that moment, the nice young vet assistant walked in with, what else, a box of tissue! Then the vet walked in to tell us he’d take Goldie and administer a painless dose of medicine that would put him to sleep…forever.

Back in the waiting room we waited. Thankfully, it was empty. Out came that wonderful vet assistant with a small box containing the body of our beloved hamster, Goldie. I sent Katie to the car with the box so that I could take care of the blankityblankblank bill (while trying to convince myself that this is one of the “priceless” lessons in life - yeah, right!).  The front desk lady then looked at me with total and complete sympathy (or maybe pity) and then smiled and said, “Oh really. There’s no charge.”

If there’s any kind of bright side to this story, that had to be it. I suppose I can hardly blame her. If it were me sitting behind that desk having witnessed what she just had, I would have just shooed me out the door too. I’m not sure if she did this out of absolute pity or if she truly had no clue whatsoever to charge for .0002 cc’s of whatever the heck they use to euthanize a hamster.  In any case, it all worked out for them in the end because they had gained the future business of the owner of a really old cat, two kittens, two dogs and a guinea pig.